How to mess with your child (Part 1)

I have always been intrigued by my sister-out-law's child-reading decisions, but I came across two particularly curious ones while down with the out-laws for Mothers' Day.

1. Let your sporty seven-year old son have both his ears pierced, with large black plastic studs.
2. Give this child only potatoes and gravy for lunch, then let him eat half a packet of chocolate chip cookies straight after.

I understand that kids can be fussy, and that, given half a chance, they will eat nothing but biscuits and cake. Which is why they come equipped with parents who say things like 'Not until you eat all your peas!'. Or not...

Questions I can't answer

Why is it always me that has to be adult about everything?

How can he sit and watch me cry and not say anything or do anything?

Why is it OK that he can say 'I'm not ready so we won't' but not OK for me to say 'I am ready so we will'?

Why does it never occur to him to celebrate my achievments with me?

Will he ever consider me before he speaks the way I consider him before I speak?

If there are things he wants to accomplish before he's ready, will he ever do them or are they just reasons not to be ready?

Will he ever understand how important this is to me, and not just dismiss it because it's not what he wants right now?

Will he consider that if we wait until he's ready it may no longer be possible?

EMERGENCY! HELP ME!

Today it's just me and Skippy on the pod, as Ermentrude is at a meeting, and Anna is on holiday. God help me, but Skippy has just announced that it's 'so tricky to remember the difference between staples and paper clips'. Seriously, if that's the hardest issue in your life, you're just not trying hard enough...

TMI

Skippy has basically just announced (though not in so many words) that she's going for a poo, and could we tell the person who will be appearing any moment for a meeting with her that she won't be too long. Nice.

Who ate all the pies?

Skippy, why do you ALWAYS ask your husband 'Are you going to have a pasty?' when you're talking to him on the phone? What is it with pasties? I don't get it.

 

PS. I know you're pregnant and huge and LAZY, but when you're having a rambly personal call on your mobile, GET OUT OF THE OFFICE. WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT.

Vocabumalary nonsense

Skippy, since when did 'pleasure trip' replace the term 'holiday'?

Geographobia

Skippy, not having Geography GCSE is not an excuse for not knowing that Iceland is part of Scandinavia. It makes you sound so uninformed you could be a Republican Vice-Presidential candidate.